i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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