Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize