dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
