How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
