In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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