Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I still have a little drunk in my system
Randomize
