i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize