omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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