Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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