I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
