So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Why are your pants in the freezer?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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