I seem to have left my pride at pride
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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