If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
