Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
This house was built for laser tag.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
