I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
