you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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