babies were throwing up all over the place
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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