Say something about gay babies.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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