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Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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