? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
wakey wakey hands off snakey
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
being pregnant is like rehab
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
