I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
are you so shy because you have an std?
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
this hospital has no fireball
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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