I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
