i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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