she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
