hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
