I molested 6 butterflies tonight
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Randomize
