HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
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