Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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