I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
