If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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