I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
