Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize
