is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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