Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
of course. lets lasso hookers.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
