he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
