I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
