Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
