Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
