At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize