im drinking this country out of the recession.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
