I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
