Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
