A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
