I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
This is my gift to your gina
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize