remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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