As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize