see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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