No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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