Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
