i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
