I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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