I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
