And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
