I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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