it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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