i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
