i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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