now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
