Well douche your snatch and let's go!
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize