listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
