he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
