I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
so let's talk penis.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize