Someone shit on the floor
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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