It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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