I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
