I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize