I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
