Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
it was like having sex with a tree stump
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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