You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
