Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
